I Always Heard Your Voice
by HappyBlushCalayapie
Summary: "I've never been alone. Not really... Since I was young, I always had two voices in my head: the one that I should have, my conscience, and that… other voice…" Sam tells his story of how he really felt from day on, all the way up to the end of season 7. Samifer, will contain lemons.
1. Chapter 1

Title: I Always Heard Your Voice

TV Show: Supernatural

Warnings/Pairings: Slight Samifer

Chapter 1: Pilot, Part 1

**I haven't seen past the last episode of season 7, and most likely won't see season 8 until I get it on DVD. This is my second time going through the series. I'm going to attempt doing a chapter every episode of Supernatural all the way to the end of season 7, and the Sam from season 7 is going to show us the dirty details of his past, starting from day one [season 1, episode 1]. It'll start at the last episode of season 7 before he starts telling the story of how he really felt this whole time, though. Also, I know I shouldn't use 'You' in a story, as in, the character addressing us, but that's how this story's gonna go, so suck on that!**

.X.O.X.O.X.

I was all alone. The prophet, Kevin Tran, had just been taken by Crowley, and Dick was dead. My brother Dean, and our friend Castiel disappeared when Dick exploded. What the hell? No, I can't go through this again. Not _again_! Dean's been keeping me grounded since day one. Doing this job without him, I would have gone total dark side. I always knew the darkness in me was leaking out. I've been different since I was a kid. Still… I look around the black-blood-splattered room and think: I've never been alone. Not really.

Since I was young, I always had two voices in my head: the one that I _should_ have, my conscience, and that… _other_ voice… the voice that sided with me when I had a bad thought, or wanted to do something horrible or sinful. The voice that gave me the worst ideas to get off on, and I often followed the alluring voice rather than the one that screamed at me every day to stop what I was doing.

This voice was my friend. This voice never had a name, but I suppose everyone always has an angel (conscience) and a devil (whatever the other voice is called) on their shoulders. The devil in me calmed down when I got away from the life. Not working jobs with my dad and brother brought me a new sense of freedom. I was fine…

I _was_ fine. I bet you'd like to know what happened to me… what triggered the devil on my shoulder to come back and remind me that he is my only friend. Guess I'll tell you my story and try to make sense of it all, myself…

.X.O.X.O.X.

A long time ago, I got away from my family, and went to do what I wanted to. I went to Standford, met a girl named Jessica, and we fell in love. We were together for a very long time.

Everything was fine. It was sometime near Halloween, and I went to a party (I wasn't very willing, but Jess got me to go with her). It was all very normal, but I never liked these kinds of parties. People dressing up as creatures my family hunt, and glorifying it? Disgusting. Making love to my girl that evening helped erase the thoughts of my dad and Dean and the life, though. It always did.

It was sometime late at night and we were sleeping. Suddenly, at the back of my mind, the bad voice spoke to me. I could hear a faint rustling sound nearby the bedroom, but I wasn't awake yet.

_Ever get the feeling something wants to hurt you, Sammy?_

I woke up. I heard the noises and went to investigate.

Lately, the devil had come back. It's speaking to me more frequently, and it gives me warnings, ideas, and little things that help me. This was a warning that something could be here for me, but that was pretty understandable. Still, what caused the voice to come back? And how do I know it's _that_ voice? This voice's tone is a bit different than my conscience. That, and my conscience doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night.

I could see a sillouhette of a man. No way was I gonna let him hrut my girlfriend. _Never_. I got into a fight with him, but I was a bit rusty. He got me pinned to the ground, and I could see the moonlight on his face. It was my brother, and he looked amused.

"Whoa, easy, tiger." He said, a smile on his face.

"Dean?" my brother chuckled. "You scared the crap outta me!"

"That's 'cause you're out of practice." I then slammed him on the ground, showing some dominance of my own. He was still smiling. "Or not. Get off me." I helped him up.

"Dean, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, I was looking for a beer." Dean joked. I stared at him, not finding the joke funny.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, less confusion in my voice, and more irritation.

"Okay, alright, we gotta talk."

"Uh, the phone?"

"If I had called, would you have picked up?"

_Like hell you would have._

My girlfriend came in the room, turning on the light.

"Sam?" she said.

"Jess, hey… Dean, this is my girlfriend Jessica." I could see him looking at her like a pervert would.

_Ask Jessica to go away. You don't like Dean looking at her like that._

"Wait, your brother Dean?" she asked.

_Too late, now she's interested in knowing him because you never talk about your family._

"I love the smurfs." Dean said. He was looking at the top of her shirt where her breasts were. I couldn't hide the discomfort on my face. "You know, I've gotta tell you. You are completely out of my brother's league." He said as he walked up to her. _Dean!_

"Just… let me put something on." she said.

"No, no, no, I wouldn't dream of it." He said. The pervert wasn't even trying to hide his lust. "Seriously. Anyway, I've gotta borrow your boyfriend to talk about some private family business, but, uh, nice meeting you." There was a short, awkward silence. At least she didn't flirt back, but I'm having a hard time keeping myself from hitting Dean.

_One hard punch would do his face a world of good, anyway._

Crap, now I had to fight the urge to laugh. That was wrong, but this voice is the devil on my shoulder for a reason. He's the bad kid in me.

"No. No, whatever you wanna say, you can say it in front of her." I walked over to Jess and stood by her, being mature unlike Dean was.

"Okay. Um… Dad hasn't been home in a few days."

"So, he's working overtime on the miller time shift. He'll stumble back in again sooner or later." Dean looked at me, trying to make me understand.

"Dad's on a _hunting_ trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days." Understanding slowly came over me, and the look in my eyes changed from irritation to disbelief.

"Jess, excuse us. We have to go outside." A few seconds later, I was walking downstairs with my brother. "I mean, c'mon, you can't just break in the middle of the night and expect me to hit the road with you."

"You're not hearin' me, Sammy. Dad's _missing_. I need you to help me find him."

"Remember the poltergeist in Amnhurst*, or the devils' gates in Clifton? He was missing then, too. He's _always_ missing, and he's _always_ fine."

"Not this long. Now, are you gonna come with me, or not?"

"I'm not."

"Why not?"

"I swore I was done hunting. For good."

"C'mon, it wasn't easy, but it wasn't _that_ bad."

"Yeah? When I told dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a '45."

"What was he supposed to do?"

"I was _nine-years-__**old**_. He was supposed to say, 'don't be afraid of the dark'."

"'Don't be afraid of the dark?' What, are you _kidding_ me? Of _course_ you should be afraid of the dark, you know what's out there!"

"Yeah, I know, but still, the way we grew up after mom was killed, and dad's _obsession_ to find the thing that killed her, but we _still_ haven't found the damn thing. So we kill everything we _can_ find."

"Save a lot of people doin' it, too." I just stare at him.

_He doesn't know that hunting is what started our little conversations, Sammy._

"The weapon training… and melting silver into bullets… man, Dean, we were raised like _warriors_." I said as I followed him outside.

"So, what're you gonna do? Live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it?

"No, not normal. Safe."

"And that's why you ran away." Once again, I look at him, unable to belief the words that come from his mouth.

_This is why you've always loved me the most… I trust and believe in you._

"I was just going to college. It was dad who said if I was gonna go, I should stay gone. And that's what I'm doin'."

"Yeah, well, dad's in real trouble right now, if he's not dead already. I can _feel_ it. I can't do this alone."

"Yes you can." He adverted my eyes, which showed that my words rang true in his mind.

_Truth is stranger than fiction, right?_

'I can't talk to you, right now. I'm talking to my brother. Shut up.' I think back to the devil.

_Meany._

"Yeah, well… I don't want to." He still won't meet my eyes.

"What was he hunting?"

Dean opened the trunk of the impala, looking through all the weapon's to show me something.

"Alright, let's see… where the hell did I put that thing?" Dean wondered aloud.

"So when dad left, why didn't you go with him?" I asked.

"I was workin' my own gig. This, uh, hoodoo thing down in New Orleans."

"Dad let you go on a hunting trip by _yourself_?" Dean gave me a 'what the hell, Sam' look.

"I'm 26, dude." He found what he was looking for. "Alright, here we go. So dad was takin' out this two-lane blacktop just outside of Jericho, California. 'Bout a month ago, this guy," he hands me a newspaper, and I looked at the man's face. "They found his car, but he had vanished, completely MIA."

"So, maybe he was kidnapped." I suggested.

"Yeah, well, here's another one in April. Another one in December…"

I zoned out a little bit.

_Or, we could go back and bang with Jessica._

The devil then provided me with a few, short, erotic images of her, and I went temporarily to la-la-land, until the angel in my told me to listen to Dean. I saw the stack of missing people.

"…all on the same five-mile stretch of road." Okay, he's got me listening, now. That sounds a lot more like a job.

_Or you could have me, instead of Jess. Some good old fashioned hand-time. Whaddya say?_

Since when had the voice been so talkative? I haven't spoken with him in a while…

"Started happenin' more and more, so dad went to dig around… that was about three weeks ago." Dean said. Three weeks? That's a lot more than a few days! "I haven't heard from him ever since, which is bad enough. And then I get this voicemail yesterday." He showed me the message.

"You know there was EVP** on that, right?"

"Not bad, Sammy. Kind of like ridin' a bike, ain't it***?" he then showed me the slowed down message.

**"I cAn NeVeR gO hOmE…"**

"'I can never go home…'" I repeated.

"You know, in almost two years I haven't bothered you or asked you for a thing." Dean said. I sighed.

"Alright… I'll go. I'll help you find him. But I have to get back first thing Monday. Just wait here." I went to get some things to take with me and to tell Jess where I was going.

"What's first thing Monday?"

"I have this… I have an interview."

"What, a job interview? Skip it."

_If it were a job interview, there wouldn't __**be**__ a job interview, now would it?_

I wanted to punch the voice.

'don't start giving me those kinds of ideas. Not again.' I told the voice.

"It's a law school interview, and it's my whole future on a plate."

"Law school?"

"So, we got a deal, or not?" Dean nodded.

I walked back to mine and Jess' room and started packing things.

"Wait, are you taking off? Is this about your dad? Is he alright?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, you know… just a little family drama."

"Your brother said he was on some kind of hunting trip."

"Oh, yeah, he's just deer hunting up at the cabin. Probably got Jim, Jack, and Jose along with him. Gonna go bring them back."

"What about the interview?"

"I'll make the interview. It's only for a couple of days."

"Sam, please, just stop for a second. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine."

"It's just… you won't even talk about your family. Now, you're taking off in the middle of the night to spend a weekend with them? And, with Monday coming up, which is kind of a huge deal…"

"Hey, everything's gonna be okay. I'll be back in time, I promise." I kissed her cheek.

"At least tell me where you're going!" she called after me. I was already long gone by then, and didn't answer.

Man, I hate lying to her.

.X.O.X.O.X.

**Words I either can't spell or misheard:**

*Amnhurst

**EVP

***Kind of like ridin' a bike, ain't it?"(the sentence after that was hard to type down, so I left it out)

**Okay, so I'm going to name every chapter after each episode as I watch it. I split this episode into two parts, and I'll start episode 2 with what happened at the very end of episode one, pretty much. **


	2. Chapter 2

Title: I Always Heard Your Voice

TV Show: Supernatural

Warnings/Pairings: Samifer, lemon, tail!kink

Chapter 1: Pilot Part 2

On the way to wherever it was we were going, I fell asleep. In my dreams, I was laying on a blue and white picnic blanket in front of a tree nearby a river. The ground was green, and I could see flowers everywhere.

To be honest, this is the first good dream I've had in a long time. Most of the time, the dreams are nightmares about people dying, or of creatures chasing me, or even my own family looking at me with cold eyes. I've always known that I'm different, but looking at me like I'm a monster just because I left the life? Because I have a girlfriend and I'm going to college and being a normal, happy person in a safer, calmer environment, they look at me like I'm a bad kid?

My thoughts were cut off when a person appeared before me in a burst of light. I gasped and backed up a bit. There, standing before me, was me, but with red devil horns and a matching long, red devil's tail.

"W-who are you?" I stuttered out, and then felt like an idiot when he replied to me in that voice I had come to know.

"Sammy, it's me? Remember, this is your dream, and you depict me however you want. You call me the devil on your shoulder, so you just added horns and a tail to me to suit your imagination." He walked over to me and sat down beside me. I felt a little bit uncomfortable, but with how much he and I have talked in my life, and how much he's been talking to me recently, I shouldn't be surprised. I should have known that he'd come to me in my dreams as a person one day. This is me. This is the bad me crawling around inside of me.

I looked down and saw that his tail was nearby my left hand. Out of curiosity, I touched it. It's just a dream, so it's not weird to wonder what this feels like, right? I felt him shiver. I looked at his face.

"Does that hurt? Did I hurt you?" I asked.

"It's sensitive." He replied.

"Should I stop?"

"No… plus, you're curious, anyway. You might as well touch, caress, and stroke away. Hell, licking and sucking might be nice, too…" I chuckled. Sensitive, huh? This could be fun.

"So…" he moved closer to me so that our hips were touching, and his tail lay totally in my lap so I could explore it more. I started stroking it slowly as if I were touching his member and he stiffened a bit before shuddering from the pleasure. "I think you need a new name. If we're going to fool around, I don't want to be calling by my name. That would turn me into a major narcissist."

"Well…" he gasped as I focused on the fat end of the tail. "You call me 'the devil on your shoulder', and 'the voice'… so, if I'm 'Satan', call me 'Lucifer'." He said. He seemed delighted by the idea.

"Seriously? That would be awkward. What if I accidentally talk to you out loud and my brother hears me call you that?"

"You'll never mess up and say my name aloud. Come on. Call me my new name. I need a name, and you know it."

"I sort of… believe in God, though—" Lucifer cupped my face and pulled my in for a deep kiss, slipping his forked tongue into my mouth to silence me. I was very surprised by the intrusion, but was even more startled by the fact that his tongue didn't feel normal. I struggled for a bit until I realized it was pointless and kissed him back. We moaned into each other's mouths as I licked between the two parts of the forked tongue, causing the Devil to shiver and moan loudly. We broke the kiss, but didn't move far from each other. Our noses were still touching. "Lucifer…" I whispered.

"I love it when you say my name like that…" Lucifer pinned me to the ground, straddling me so that our boners ground together, and we moaned again. Lucifer started unbuttoning my shirt, and when he had it open so that he could see the my hard abs and pectorals, he licked his lips, and then leaned down to lick and tease my neck. He flicked his tongue at the spots he knew was most sensitive on me, and felt me shivering beneath him. Lucifer's own shirt disappeared as if I willed it to through the powers of a lucid dream. I wrapped my arms around Lucifer and started nibbling on the shell of his right ear. I saw Lucifer's tail swishing around behind him—his own way of thrashing around from the good feelings he received—and grabbed it, making the Devil gasp loudly. I flipped us over so that I could dominate him, and peeled the rest of my shirt off. I pinned Lucifer's legs with my own, and held the Devil's hands above his hand with my left hand as I started to lick the end of Satan's tail. I started stroking it quickly when my mouth left it, and said,

"Tell me what you want, Luci. Tell me what makes you tick."

"Everything… everything just like you like it… oh Sam, call me Luci again…"

"Mm… Luci…" I took the end of his tail and sucked on it, pushing it in and out of my mouth. His hips bucked up into mine, making me feel weak from the pleasure. I wanted more than this, though. The friction wasn't good enough through our jeans. Suddenly, our clothes were totally gone. "Whoa! What the hell?!"

"I heard your thoughts, Sam, you wanted our clothes gone. Come _on_!" Lucifer sounded impatient. "I've waited too long for this to wait any longer. It's torture." I chuckled. The laughter sounded dark coming from me as if it weren't my own.

"That's creepy considering that you've been talking to me since I was a kid. What, you waited for me to become of age to jump me?"

"Believe me, Sam, I've waited a _lot_ longer than that to have a relationship with you." At the time, I didn't understand what that meant, but I knew I'd learn later.

Suddenly, there was a bottle of lubricant in my right hand.

"Where did you get this?" I asked.

"It's a dream. Doesn't anything go?" he had a point. I squeezed some out onto the finger son my left hand, and started stretching him out as I played with his tail. Lucifer, who was experiencing immense pleasure from this treatment said, "Let me push my tail in and out of your mouth while you suck on it. Please… touch me cock… I'm dying here…" I gave him triple the pleasure. I could feel some sort of a connection between us. He wasn't feeling any pain from my fingers being inside of him, so I put three in at once as I sucked his smooth tail. My right hand pumped his eight inch member, which is the same size as mine since we're virtually the same, and he leaked onto my hand. I grabbed his tail to keep myself from choking on it, and pulled it out of my mouth as I stopped fingering him. He moaned in displeasure, wanting me to continue.

"You want this, Lucifer?" I said smugly, holding my dick in my hand. I tried not to look too desperate even though I felt like I was going to explode since this was the first time I had gotten to touch myself during our time together.

"Yes, and you want that in me. Hurry up, Sammy. It won't hurt me. Fuck me… fuck me…" if it was possible, we were both even hornier just from that confession. I positioned myself and he put his legs on my shoulders. I pushed into him with one smooth thrust. I moaned loudly from the tight, moist heat engulfing me, and he cried out in pleasure from being penetrated. "I've been wanting this for so long… move… fuck me!" I started thrusting. I'm not sure how he had any working brain cells to accomplish this while I fucked him, but he squeezed some lube onto his hand and rubbed his tail with his moist right hand. His left hand, which was also lubricated, moved to his cock. Lucky for me, since he wouldn't last long, I knew I wouldn't, either. I stabbed into him deeper, knowing that I was hitting every sweet spot he needed me to, to get him there. He started moaning and saying incomprehensible things. What language is that? It's not Latin… I have no idea what he's saying. I was too far gone to care at the moment that this person might not be just a voice inside my head anymore.

We came together and saw stars, screaming from the pleasure. I was nearly blinded by a white light that emitted from him and destroyed everything around me.

And then, I woke up in the impala, and saw Dean coming out from a store at some gas station. I was going to have to hide the stain on my ruined pants.

.X.O.X.O.X.

**I hope you liked the first lemon! The main pairing throughout the story is Samifer, so if you don't like it, I suggest you run for your life from this story, since this story is chock full of it! This story will have lots of smut, and will eventually have wing!kink when Sam meets the REAL Lucifer.**


End file.
